New year, New start.
New year, new start. I'm not one to make new years resolutions. But I have already been working on changing my mind set, as well as my life style. Looking over all that happened in the last year one of the biggest things to happen was going to Equippers church Essex. Since going for the first service on Easter Sunday last year in April, I have never looked back. I can not see or think of my future without faith being a big part of it after that day. Finding my faith whole heartily for the first time has changed me forever.
Faith - it's a funny thing, especially in the 21st century. Before going to Equippers, joining the community and family it offers, I wasn't much of a believer. I have always felt that there is something or someone out there. Weather you call it fate, destiny or a higher power. I have always had the feeling that some parts of life are planned out for us.
My journey with faith started due to one of the most difficult things I have had to face in life so far - Depression - so many people go through the struggle of mental health issues on a daily basis, and I for one never thought I would say I am one of them. In April 2019 I hit a low point where I could see no way out, then I went to church and everything changed.
Equippers Church Essex is not like any other church I had been to or heard about before. The atmosphere was incredible straight away I felt welcome and in some way I felt like I was home. The praise and worship was unreal how could music be so powerful I could relate to it so much. The message that day seemed to be directed at me, as it was all about losing your way and how you need to adjust to stay on your chosen path. That the longer you leave things before adjusting your course, the bigger the change will have to be to get back on track. But if we adjust as we go along, the changes won't seem so drastic. I left the service that day knowing what I needed to do to change my direction and get back on track. Something within me seemed to wake up and a bit of my fight for life was back.
Within the two weeks everything started to look up. I felt clear headed for the first time in months. I started serving at church being the photographer. Photography and anything creative really, has always been a passion of mine, I had lost my way and church helped me rediscover my passion. Being apart of the production and media team gave me an outlet to use and show my creative side. Seeing my photos being used for social media, as well as the website and so many people reacting to them, commenting on how much they liked them, has been just incredible.
For people to be reacting so positively to something I had done, when my mind was saying the opposite. It forced me to start fighting back and challenge what my head was saying. How could people I had only just met see something great and positive in me, when I couldn't see it in myself? Something had to change and that something was me.
Through the rest of the year, slowly, I began to see myself in a better light and my faith grew with it. There were set backs in many different forms. However, each time I felt myself come out of them stronger. A friend once said that people who keep going and don't let their mental health issue control them, are the strongest people, as its so easy to give up. The fight with depression and anxiety has made me stronger and my faith has been my biggest support. Without it and the amazing people it has brought into my life I would not have made it through the low points.
Equippers Church has helped me more than I can express. I'm excited about what is to come this year. This January as a church we are fasting for 21 days, as a way to really focus on god's teachings. Check in at the end of January to see how I got on. Please like and share.
Billie x
